To Be or Not to Be..........a Mom

that is the question. Anyone raising teenagers knows that's the question more often than not. You just really don't know how diffucult watching someone fail, fall on their face, screw up, live with consequences, and sometimes make bad decisions is until you're the mom of a full blown teenager. It's part of the game. Some call it payback, some call it God testing you. There's no denying it's tough.

I have had friends convey raising daughters as 24 hour hostage negotiations. You see, I do believe that girls leave the human race for about 7 years. Alien life forms. Then I count my blessings and thank the good Lord I have boys! Okay, one of them has the propensity to PMS like a 16 year old alien invaded mean girl, but I soooo know it could be worse. Then I tell him, " you know, the worst part of all this is that you make me feel the need to call your grandmother on a daily basis and apologize." He grins.

If you have read anything in this blog, you have read that I was (repeat WAS ) a self proclaimed punk with a capital P! For me, and the pure enjoyment of my mother, this is payback. The highly intelligent student pulling low C's (of course there's no valid reason!), the mumbling, eye rolling facial contortions only a body between 13 and 20 can make, the "why is my life so hard" whine. Oh, and the new one, at least to me, "If I had a cellphone!"

Well, today, I need to be the Mom. The loving, caring, compassionate, wish i could make you all better, MOM! I can't even bring myself to refer to him as a meanager today. Today, I just want to hug him and make him feel better. Even more so, I want him better. I want the miracle cure for the common cold today. You and I both know, its not going to happen but I have to be positive, hold out hope and make lots of chicken soup.
Alex is home with a terrible cold. Maybe the flu, but probably just a cold. The headache, stuffy nose, can't breathe, exhaustion inducing cold. It's going around. Seems more are sick than well. I should be glad it's now and not during Christmas, right? Well, normally I would be, but tomorrow is his big concert. His 8th grade year, star of the Jazz band, 3 solos in 3 songs concert. He has worked so hard this year. Moved to the tenor sax, helping out the younger band students, taking on bigger and tougher solos. His biggest role in the band to date and only one more concert after this before moving on to the high school. Many family members are schedule to attend the performance. He is proud. He is playing the best he ever has. Now, I don't even know if he can blow a horn much less make it through a solo.

So, I am cooking soup, administering liguids, and zinc, and motrin ( even the decongestants have been flowing) and feeling my heart break for him. this is not like those tough ones aI mentioned earlier. This one is harder. He did everything right, he put in the effort, he gave it his all, he even took advice and that's no easy feat at 14. yet, he is almost certain to be disappointed. This is one of those bittersweet mom moments. The more you love 'em the more your heart breaks.

So let's make it all about me and will him back to health so I don't feel so bad, hehe

Routine Memories

Let's see if I can remember how to do this. It's only been a good 6 months since I found the time to ramble (at least on here). This is a week of getting back in the swing, returning to a routine, structure, blah, blah, blah. Bottom line is, the kids are back in school. So, I hope against hope for a little normalcy, a little peace and quiet and a little "me" time. Then again, I though that would happen once school was out and the list of commitments dwindled. Nothing like a lack of carefree summer days to smack you up the side of the head with a dose of adulthood reality.

Speaking of reality, I have an official "meanager" now. yep. Crackling voice, outgrowing shoes before your eyes, attitude filled, myspace obsessed, girl oggling, meanager! Now, I knew this was coming. Afterall, his 13th birthday was in January. I was just hoping it would take a little longer. I wasn't quite ready for a daily dose of guilt-induced craving to call my mother and apologize, and yet I thank the good Lord himself daily that he is NOT a girl. I don't know either of us could survive me raising me as a teen.

Truthfully, he's a good kid. Both of my boys are. I babble on and get fed up like any mom, but in the end, I am lucky. If I could just get them a little boot traiing I might have more time to create and less time playing maid.

I am making a concerted effort to begin blogging more often and get back to some featuring of art I love and am inspired by. Maybe the ocassional funny story will get thrown in. There's no shortage of funny mishaps in my world, why not share. So, stay tuned and who knows, I just might get a handle on this yet. If not, you'll get a good laugh watching.